Sea of Change: Where

Originally written as a poem, Ode to the Sea, and rewritten into a song called Where.

An Unfinished Song Written by Two Formerly Lonely Friends

Why open doors to let the hurt in?
Why let doubt and confusion set in?
Why give love a chance to rule your world?
Why let love? Why let love?

Is there nothing behind the veil?
No happy endings, nothing to gain?
A room full of promises
Is empty when there is pain.

Love comes knocking on your door
And sells you nothing new
But there’s no sale to be made.
And then there was you.

With love there are no locks,
So the doors are always open.
No veil, so love could see through
And the room – filled by me and you
In a dance, with a glance
Love always deserves a chance.

- Written by Glenn Ala and in part by Jay Redondo, on one of those nights

Found this in my email. Transcript by Jay of an exchange of text messages on one of those sad drinking nights. It just seems appropriate to post this now, especially since both of us have found our own loves within weeks from each other. I feel a song coming.

Ballet Manila's Tatlong Kuwento ni Lola Basyang

Found this through Mr. Joey Ayala's Facebook status and it got me very excited over Ballet Manila's newest show.

I got first-hand experience watching and working with Ballet Manila when Hired did the company's search for a ballerina. (Fifteen-year old Kim Mendoza won and is now one of Ballet Manila's company scholars.)

I worked very closely with the Philippines' prima ballerina, Lisa Macuja-Elizalde, and principal danseur and BM's Artistic Associate, Osias "Shaz" Barroso throughout the filming of the search.

I tell you, it was quite an eye-opener. It was very inspiring to watch real, professional ballerinas and danseurs rehearsing and performing on stage. These are artists in the truest sense of the word. It made me wonder how and why I could have missed out on this classic art form!

At the shoot, I was able to watch the company's Hi-Skul Musikahan at the Star Theatre, which was the setting for the final task of our Top 2 applicants.

I was also able to catch the Dress-Technical Rehearsal (DTR) of the show they were performing in Korea. It was spectacular! It is no wonder that Ballet Manila has grown so much in reputation not just in the Philippines but worldwide. It is truly a world class dance company.

As you would see in the video, there is much to expect, especially since the show involves the aristry of some very established names in the fields of dance and music, including Tony Fabella, Mon Faustino, Joey Ayala, and Ryan Cayabyab.

(Incidentally, it was Joey Ayala who read my poem, Alay sa Choc-Nut, at the book launch of Bubot at Tatlong Dosenang Sundot ng Damdamin some time in 2000, and it was through him that I found the video and learned more about BM's Lola Basyang.)

Catch the world premiere of Tatlong Kuwento ni Lola Basyang on December 5, 6, 7, 13, and 14 at the Aliw Theatre. For ticket reservations and schedule of tours and performances, visit Ballet Manila's website, balletmanila.ph.

(Photos courtesy of Hired segment producer, Redge Estrada.)

Alay sa Choc-Nut

Ang sarap-sarap ng Choc-Nut na ‘to
binubuksan ko pa lang
naglalaway na ‘ko.
‘Di nga magkanda-ugaga
sa pagpunit ng papel na balot e.
Hayun, sa pagkahayok,
tuloy, Choc-Nut muntik nang
malapirot.
Leche!
Kapag lumabas na
ang balot mong palara –
ayan na, malapit na –
alam kong matitikman na rin kita
lasa mong kakaiba.
Diyos ko, salamat talaga!
Dahan-dahan kong bubuksan
makikita ang ‘yong kahubaran.
Haaaay! Langit!
Anong kasiyahan!
Iningatan kong huwag madurog
hinawakang parang itlog
saka inilapit sa bibig ko
ang kaaya-ayang bisyo.
Tangina!
Nalaglag pa’ng isang piraso!
Sayang.
Pupulutin ko na lang.
Aba, grasya rin ‘to ‘no.
Kaya bago pa mangalaglag,
Please lang huwag!
Isinubo ko lahat
buong Choc-Nut!
Kaaakh! Kwaaakh!
Aaakh!
Tuloy, ako'y napaubo,
sa lakas ng pagkakasubo.
Tubig! Tubig!
Dali-dali akong tumakbo
sa kusina para uminom
ng tubig na malamig,
Glug… glug… glug.
Aaaaaah…
Glug… glug…
Uhmmm…
Putang Choc-Nut ‘to
Papatayin pa ‘ko!

- written some time in 1998, published in the anthology called Bubot at Tatlong Dosenang Sundot ng Damdamin, by Finkomarts

This was one of my earliest poems. I've lost all copies of the book and the poem, and I only recently encountered it online when I googled my name. I came across a blog with this poem. Thanks to Ellysa Sy of Caloocan City, who posted it. You can find her post and her blog here.

Who knows, one day this might just become a song. Hahaha!

Incidentally, I think it's worth mentioning that the book, Bubot at Tatlong Dosenang Sundot ng Damdamin, is catalogued in the Ateneo Libraries Union Catalog, archived in Ateneo's Rizal Library. Good to know somebody still has a copy.

Bucket List

Okay, this is so I don't forget. The list just keeps getting longer so I'm putting some of the things down while they're fresh on my mind.

• Be a travel writer - get paid to go places and write about them.
• Put my music out so it's heard by many.
• Sing and play music on stage and TV - be a kick-ass rockista.
• Act on film and TV - and eventually go international.
• Host a show on TV - a travel show, maybe, or a cooking or music show.
• Cook and invent more and more dishes.
• Write books.
• Have a great body.
• Own a house by the beach.

That's it for now. I think. Will just add and subtract as I go along.

Two Poems

I just posted 2 poems at the poetry site. I found them archived in one of my backup disks. Here are excerpts from the poems:

RITWAL
Para kay Babs

....
Natigalgal ang buwan sa ritwal. Umungol
kasabay ng pag-init ng ipinahid na putik.
Hinawakan niya ang aking tiyan at lumuha
sa naramdamang pagkalam nito. “Heto

ang bilugang hugis ng buntis. Samsamin
mo ang tamis at pait ng minsan kong
pagdaplis sa maikli mong buhay.”
At doon nahati ako sa baywang
....


CANNIBALISM

Sa paghawak
sa armas kong pilit
binabayo
dama ko
pagkaupos ng sigarilyong hithit.
Sa pagningas ng aso
at pag-init ng laman
nararamdaman
pagkaubos ng kaluluwang said.
....

Read the full poems at the poetry site or click on any of the following:

Ritwal
Cannibalism

The Publication of Ra

An old friend, Sandra, encouraged me to send in one of my poems for the newsletter of her group, Humanity's Team Philippines. You can check the published poem, The Emancipation of Ra, here.

Going SomeWHERE

Found myself an audio editing program online and recorded Kokum's Where last night. I hope you like it.

Where

Where the wind blows freely
Where waves and sand touch endlessly
Where the sky meets tenderly
The sea

Where dark blue skies cover me
And sand warms me
Where the stars wink at me
Naughtily

Where I am who I am really
Where truth is truth
Constantly
Where I can see eternity
Beckoning me
To be free

Where a soft breeze carries me
Where imagination takes me
Where I’m finally free
To be

Where I can’t pretend to be
Any more than me
Where the truth let’s me see
Inwardly

Where I am who I am really
Where truth is truth
Constantly
Where I can see eternity
Beckoning me
To be free

Where I can see my reflection
Clearly in the glassy sea
Where comfort comes soothingly
From the sound of sea

Where I am who I am really
Where truth is truth
Constantly
Where I can see eternity
Beckoning me
To be free

- completed March 3rd, reworked into a song from an old poem posted at the poetry blog, photo by El Cid Tirol

You Make Me Want To

This is officially my 100th post. Wooooohoooooo!

To celebrate it, I am posting a brand new song - fresh from the oven, the drawing boards, or wherever it is that music comes from!

I reworked an old poem previously posted on my poetry blog and put music to it. (Thanks to my sister who helped me work on the arrangement.) You will gather that despite what recently happened, I am still a sucker for love.

Eve, we have work to do! Hahaha!

YOU MAKE ME WANT TO

It's good to hear from you
Good of you to call
Been wanting bad to hear your voice
I miss that most of all

I don't wanna hang up
For I'll die if I do
You're so much a part of me
I'm nothing without you

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me want to want you
What is this I feel
With your voice in my ear
What is it in you
That makes me want to want
Only you

We while the hours talking
Of all things big or trivial
I think that this has turned into
Something that's so special

What is it I feel?
I don't understand no more
Don't know what I'm going through
Never felt like this before

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me want to want you?
What is this I feel
With your voice in my ear
What is it in you
That makes me want to want
Only you?

With all the confusion going on
Don't know if I can still play along
But I say bring it on
Stay with you forever on the phone

Every time you call
I feel, I feel it all
What is it you do
That makes me want to want you?
What is this I feel
With your voice in my ear
What is it in you
That makes me want to want
Only you?

- completed February 17th, words and music by Kokum

(Photo above taken New Year's Eve from the new house in Bulacan)

Two Days Sober: The End of a Love Affair with a Saint

I just posted the poem, Alay sa Patrong San Miguel, at the poetry blog. It's a poem that I wrote in 1999 at a time when I was rebelling against authority. It's a very bitter piece built over a one-hour solo drinking session. Posting it made me realize how in times of depression, and frustration, I have usually turned to alcohol.

I never really thought of drinking as bad. Until now. I was initiated into it early, through a game, when I was around 9 or 10 years old. It was the town fiesta and they called in children for a drinking game. Whoever finished their bottle of pale pilsen first gets a prize. I drank it, straight up, and won. I could vividly remember the crowd cheering, and a couple of the older men saying, "Manang-mana sa tatay niyang manginginom ah."

Maybe I do take take after my father who drinks. From my earliest days I could remember him coming home from work drunk. I could remember him and my mother fighting over it, and as a a result of it. Before long, I was the one getting drunk all the time.

In high school, my friends would usually stay over at my house for an all-night drinking session after a party. This went on for me and my high school friends even until college.

At university, I joined a fraternity, where I learned to really drink, if not for anything but fellowship. It was not unusual for me then to come home plastered.

Then I started working, and earning my own (beer) money. Over the years, I consumed hundreds, maybe even thousands of gallons of alcoholic drinks, and my body learned to adjust to the extreme alcohol levels I subjected it to.

Last week, I was out every night for a full week (maybe more). Three times I went home with the sun up. I was unproductive and missed some very important tasks. I was thinking I was on break and was making the most of my "vacation" time, but the last few days were just too much.

So for now, I'm swearing alcohol off. I do not know how long this resolve will last, but in a way I have said my so longs and thank yous to my patron saint and lover of 20 plus years, San Miguel.

Hindi na. Okay na. As far as I'm concerned
tapos na. Tapos na ang gabing ito. Paggising ko
bukas siguro masakit ang ulo ko. 'Di bale.
At least 'yon ang naiisip ko. Hindi ang mga
problema ko. Tapos na rin ang samba.
Nag-uuwian na ang mga customer ng Cafea.
Kasama ko na lang 'tong huling bote ko
ng cerveza, nakapatong sa mesa, naghihintay
na ubusin ko, inumin, lagukin, kahit mapait
kahit mainit.

Until our next rendezvous.

A Thousand Words and More

A good photographer does not need words for his photos. His pictures speak for themselves. Sometimes, if you look more closely, you will even find that the pictures he takes say more than his subjects care to convey.

This is my tribute to one of the most sensitive photographers I have ever known - Carlos Mori Rodriguez.








Thank you for taking great pictures, Mori. I still owe you the short stories that are supposed to go with your pictures, which I promised to write. Watch out for them at the poetry site.

All pictures courtesy of Carlos Mori Rodriguez. For a wealth of other great pictures by Mori, please visit Confessions of a Leap Year Baby II.

Tug or Tog... (Don't Ask Me How)

Okay, since I'm a sport and I love my friends, I will let this one pass. I have been tagged... or is it togged... or tugged? Whatda...! Whatever...

Here's 30 things you probably didn't know about me.

1. I'm allergic to dust and my nose itches like crazy when I get attacks.

2. I exercise so I could eat! I love food. Hahahaha.

3. I'm a sex addict. (Wait, you probably knew that already. Hahaha!)

4. I once got my head stuck between railings. It took about 4 to 5 kids to pull me out.


5. I (used to) sleep with my dog.

6. I'm a math wizard. Got 7th place in the Individual category and 4th place in the Group category in the 1991 Philippine Math Olympiad (PMO) - National Level.

7. I'm a lucid dreamer.

8. I'm acidic. My skin reacts negatively to metal.

9. I love porn.

10. I secretly dream of having kids of my own. I guess that makes me a closet heterosexual.

11. I'm a pack rat. (You should see my room.)

12. I once passed out from ingesting too much gin too soon. Hit my head on a table as I fell to the floor. (Of course, I don't remember any of it.)

13. When I'm out drinking, I cannot keep myself from wiping the table dry.


14. I've been blonde, brunette, red-haired, bald, permed. I've had short hair and long hair. I've sported a mohawk, and many other hairstyles in my youth.

15. I love laing, dried squid, and binagoongang baboy. (Mmm... just thinking about it makes me hungry.)

16. I'm a great cook. I experiment in the kitchen. My latest creation: corned beef in pesto sauce.

17. I have never been out of the country (though not for long).

18. I was once a beauty titlist: Ms. Talent and First Runner Up in the Ms. Gay Asian Land 2004.

19. Whether or not I care to admit it, I am a size queen. (Blush blush.)

20. I hate it when lovers turn jealous over nothing.

21. I can make the most unpopular decision and not have a care in the world what people think.

22. I once dated Paige. Hihihi.

23. I'm usually an aggressive pursuer. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I give. And I take.

24. I shoplifted as a 'tweener.

25. I'm arachnophobic and mildly claustrophobic.

26. I shave my pubes on occasion.

27. I never thought of myself as a writer, until poetry came into my life some time in the late 90s. I have not stopped writing since.

28. I showed my butt to an audience of about 1,000 in a play - many times throughout its run.

29. I do not eat okra.

30. I secretly loathe myself for being fat, though you will never hear me say it out loud. (I think I just did. Hahaha!)

Prue, your turn!